Porn Addiction, The Corrosiveness of Secrets, and Books to Change Your Life | Jason Portnoy

Jason Portnoy joins Tim Ferriss to discuss his memoir Silicon Valley Porn Star, opening with his path from a New Jersey chemistry household to a financial-analyst role at the company that became PayPal, then to Peter Thiel's hedge fund Clarium and the CFO seat at Palantir. As his ego and wealth swelled, he spiraled into a hidden porn-to-hookup-to-affair addiction that nearly destroyed his marriage to Anne-Marie. The bulk of the conversation is his recovery: the life coach Melissa who refused to let him play the victim, a four-and-a-half-month monk-like retreat, a Sexaholics Anonymous program, and the idea that addiction is really a self-perpetuating 'shame cycle.' Portnoy reflects on subtraction, surrender, repairing trust, raising children, what makes a great CFO, and his belief that these struggles are ubiquitous and worth discussing openly.

• Portnoy reveals he became addicted to online porn, and that the book title 'porn star' came from his life coach assigning the behavior to a separate identity so he could examine it with less shame.
  00:42:37
• He describes porn as a 'gateway drug' that escalated from images to video to seeking real-world hookups while in a committed relationship with his now-wife.
  00:45:10
• The progression went from porn to Craigslist casual encounters to online escort sites to a months-long affair, all kept secret from his wife Anne-Marie.
  00:53:24
• Roughly six to seven months after their daughter was born, he felt he had to quit his job or get divorced, so he left Palantir to try to save the marriage.
  00:56:28
• He discovered Anne-Marie had been having her own affair, a wake-up call that came while he was still hiding his own behavior and playing the victim.
  00:57:13
• After getting caught again in early 2015, Melissa told him 'if you don't share your secrets you'll stay sick,' and he finally confessed the full extent of his addiction.
  01:16:12
• In February 2015 he moved out and entered an intensive self-described retreat, changing everything, diet, sleep, exercise, alcohol, work, for four and a half months.
  01:24:30
• By August 2015 he and Anne-Marie reunited and have been together since, framing their crisis as a shared journey of mutual healing.
  01:32:48

• Tim Ferriss recounts quitting caffeine cold turkey eight days earlier and immediately sleeping so deeply he 'drooled on my pillow.'
  00:05:44
• Portnoy's PayPal-precursor (Confinity) interview with Peter Thiel turned entirely into a discussion of the books Portnoy had read backpacking in Europe, Hemingway, The Art of War, the Tao Te Ching, Of Mice and Men.
  00:17:09
• In PayPal's early days checks were printed on the office's single printer, hand-signed by the CFO, and stuffed in envelopes; the company had about 14,000 users when he started as employee 34.
  00:22:52
• Portnoy explains Thiel gave people titles and responsibilities reflecting their potential, not current ability, Thiel made him CFO of Clarium despite Portnoy not knowing what a hedge fund was.
  00:31:14
• Palantir was formed partly in response to the post-9/11 realization that the U.S. had abundant data but couldn't connect or act on it.
  00:39:30
• Melissa told Portnoy he was 'efforting' his way through life; he protested 'monks don't have mortgages,' a line that became a running joke.
  01:11:30
• Portnoy named his first venture fund 'Subtraction Capital' after Melissa's lesson to simplify and subtract everything not serving him.
  01:17:45
• Portnoy credits his entire PayPal career launch to deep Microsoft Excel skills drilled into him by University of Colorado professor Dr. David Clough.
  02:02:16
• He argues the 'C' in C-suite stands for confidence, what separates a CFO from a VP is the energy that inspires confidence in a room, not just technical knowledge.
  02:06:58
• His favorite CFO is former PayPal CFO Roelof Botha, now global head of Sequoia Capital, who mentored him by bringing him along to high-stakes meetings.
  02:07:29