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Tim Ferriss · 2021-03-17

Elizabeth Lesser on Building Omega Institute, Intentional Communities, & More | The Tim Ferriss Show

Elizabeth Lesser on founding Omega Institute, intentional communities, grief, and rewriting the myths that shape how women hold power.

Elizabeth Lesser on Building Omega Institute, Intentional Communities, & More | The Tim Ferriss Show
The guest

Elizabeth Lesser: Best-selling author and co-founder of the Omega Institute, the renowned retreat and education center in Rhinebeck, New York. Her books include Broken Open, Marrow, and Cassandra Speaks, and she is one of Oprah Winfrey's Super Soul 100.

What this episode covers

Elizabeth Lesser traces her path from a Columbia student and atheist-raised seeker to a student of Sufi teacher Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, and how that lineage led to founding the Omega Institute in 1977. She and Tim discuss the rise and exhaustion of communal living, how Omega's curriculum was selected, and her concept of 'innervism' as the inner counterpart to activism. She shares the deeply personal story of being her dying sister's bone marrow donor and the 'soul marrow transplant' clearing work they did together, plus reflections on grief, mourning rituals, and authenticity deficit disorder. The conversation closes on her book Cassandra Speaks, examining the old myths that devalue women's stories and her argument for elevating the 'tend and befriend' instinct over the heroic fight-or-flight model.

Recommended on this episode

BookRecommended

Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior

Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

“what i consider to be my favorite spiritual book”
“he wrote what i consider to be my favorite spiritual book which is shambhala the sacred path of the warrior”— Elizabeth Lesser
BookRecommendedISBN verified

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler

“one book that really helped one of my friends after the loss of his father; he recommended it to me and many others”
“one book that really helped one of my friends after the loss of his father was on grief and grieving finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss”— Tim Ferriss
BookRecommendedISBN verified

A Letter of Consolation

Henri Nouwen

“it's a small book and it's a beautiful book”
“there's one by a catholic mystic he's no longer alive on ree nuyen and i think it's called on grief it's a small book and it's a beautiful book”— Elizabeth Lesser
BookRecommendedISBN verified

The Tending Instinct

Shelley Taylor

“a wonderful book that people i think should read”
“she came up with the term in a wonderful book that people i think should read called attending instinct shelly taylor”— Elizabeth Lesser

The guest's own work

BookBy the guestISBN verified

The Seeker's Guide

Elizabeth Lesser

“elizabeth's first book the seeker's guide chronicles her years at omega and distills lessons learned into a potent guide for growth and healing”— Tim Ferriss
BookBy the guestISBN verified

Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow

Elizabeth Lesser

“her new york times best-selling book broken open subtitled how difficult times can help us grow has sold almost 500 000 copies”— Tim Ferriss
BookBy the guest

Marrow

Elizabeth Lesser

“her third book marrow chronicles the journey elizabeth and her younger sister went through when elizabeth was the donor for her sister's bone marrow transplant”— Tim Ferriss
BookBy the guestISBN verified

Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes

Elizabeth Lesser

“her newest book cassandra speaks when women are the storytellers the human story changes reveals how humanity has outgrown its origin tales”— Tim Ferriss

Also referenced (named, not recommended)

BookReferenced

The Gift (poems of Hafez)

Hafez

“i have a collection of poems which is titled the gift which is a collection of poetry translated of course of hafez who is my favorite poet”— Tim Ferriss
BookReferencedISBN verified

Tales of the Dervishes

Idries Shah

“that led me to a number of books including tales of the dervishes by and i'm going to mispronounce this also”— Tim Ferriss
BookReferencedISBN verified

The Vagina Monologues

Eve Ensler

“i also invited a friend of mine eve ensler who wrote the vagina monologues and a couple of other people to explore what happens when women become powerful”— Elizabeth Lesser

Big reveals from this episode

  • Pir Vilayat Inayat Khan, Lesser's Sufi teacher, had the idea to start a holistic learning center and put Lesser and her then-husband in charge, which became the Omega Institute.
  • The community first bought an old Shaker village in New Lebanon, New York for dirt cheap through Wavy Gravy's wife, whose parents owned a summer camp on the land.
  • Omega's first year drew about 100 people and featured then-unknown teachers like Deepak Chopra and Elizabeth Kubler-Ross; founders didn't pay themselves for the first nine or ten years.
  • After seven years of communal living, Lesser and the group no longer wanted to live that way, largely because of an American ingrained craving for individuality and personal space.
  • Lesser was a perfect 10-for-10 DNA match for her sister Maggie's bone marrow transplant, despite the two being profoundly different people.
  • Lesser proposed therapy with her dying sister, reframing the medical 'attack or rejection' of transplanted cells into a 'soul marrow transplant' to heal their lifelong conflict.
  • Lesser created the 'Women and Power' conference at Omega; it grew from an expected 50 attendees to 2,000 women within a few years and became the genesis of Cassandra Speaks.
  • Lesser cites UCLA scientist Shelley Taylor's discovery that early fight-or-flight studies used only men, leading Taylor to identify the female 'tend and befriend' stress response.

Worth remembering

  • The tame animals at Omega, including foxes and huge groundhogs, are notably unafraid of the humans on campus after 40-plus years.
  • Wavy Gravy, master of ceremonies at the Woodstock festival, was indirectly connected to how the community acquired its first land.
  • Before Omega had its own home, it rented Bennington College and had to use a food service of sloppy joes, supplemented by a bucket of raw tofu blocks to appease attendees.
  • Omega's eventual permanent home was a former Yiddish kids' camp in the Hudson Valley that had sat uninhabited for ten years with burst pipes and downed wires.
  • Lesser coined the word 'innervism' as the inner-life counterpart to activism, focused on working on one's own peace before trying to be a peacemaker.
  • Maggie lived for one year after her transplant and called it the best year of her life.
  • Six months after 9/11, Lesser taught mindfulness to first responders who found going into a burning building easier than getting emotionally soft with their spouses.
  • The name Cassandra comes from the Trojan princess cursed by Apollo to know the future but never be believed.
  • Lesser was inspired while watching the Larry Nassar trial, where Judge Rosemary Aquilina let every victim speak for as long as she wanted.
  • Lesser counted the statues in Central Park and found roughly 50 of about 59 depicted soldiers and generals, illustrating which values a culture calls heroic.