The guest
Bert Kreischer: Stand-up comedian and podcaster known as 'The Machine,' on JRE to promote his action-comedy movie The Machine, based on a story he first told on this podcast.
What this episode covers
Bert Kreischer and Joe Rogan open with a love letter to comedy friendship and the idea that the rising tide raises all boats. Bert is in promotion mode for his movie The Machine, which grew out of his Russian-mob story first told on JRE in 2011, and he repeatedly pleads with fans to support comedy by going to theaters. The pair drift through wild tangents: drinking-fueled run-ins with Israel Adesanya in New Zealand, the brutal economics of theatrical vs streaming releases, how culture has shifted around old comedies, and the danger-shaped psychology of people who grow up around gators, sharks, and rattlesnakes. They dig into war history (WWI truces, wolves, Vietnam), cancel culture and corporate compliance, and the n-word's unique place in comedy. The conversation closes on vulnerability, Bert's people-pleasing roots, and gratitude for the comedy community Joe helped build.
Recommended on this episode
MediaRecommended
Fight Club
David Fincher
“one of my favorite movies ever”
“he's dude Fight Club one of my favorite movies ever the one where he plays the two the guy with the two accents”— Bert Kreischer
MediaRecommended
John Wick
“I love that movie”
“look I love that movie yeah but why it's the sexy assassin that you root for the whole thing's like”— Joe Rogan
MediaRecommended
Run Lola Run
“you literally are like on the edge of your seats”
“it's a foreign film that you literally are like on the edge of your seats it's one of those movies where you're like small budget just good”— Bert Kreischer
MediaRecommended
Roadhouse
“one of the best bad movies of all time, everything is awesome about it”
“how about Roadhouse oh dude Roadhouse is one of the best bad movies of all time”— Bert Kreischer
MediaRecommended
Game of Thrones
“loved it dude”
“are you a Game of Thrones guy loved it dude were you a house of dragons guy I love both me too”— Bert Kreischer
MediaRecommended
House of the Dragon
“I love both, they're great”
“were you a house of dragons guy I love both me too yeah they're great I love that they're both great”— Bert Kreischer
BookRecommendedISBN verified
A Land So Strange
Andrés Reséndez
“there's a great book”
“you go back to uh Cabeza de Vaca when there's a great book uh called the land so strange”— Joe Rogan
ProductRecommended
Foundation Cigars
Foundation Cigars
“Foundation cigars they're the [ __ ], it's really good”
“Foundation yeah Foundation cigars they're the [ __ ] yeah this is uh a special one that he uh made just for us it's really good”— Joe Rogan
ProductRecommended
Shroom Tech
Onnit
“fantastic those are really good”
“cordyceps mushrooms are fantastic those are really good that's a big part of that shroom Tech supplement that on it makes”— Joe Rogan
ProductRecommended
Lion's Mane
“great for you it's great”
“lion's mane is great for you it's great like there's a bunch of like really neuroprotective aspects of like certain mushrooms”— Joe Rogan
The guest's own work
MediaBy the guest
The Machine
Bert Kreischer
“right now everyone please go to movie theaters this weekend and see my movie The Machine please go out of the house buy a ticket”— Bert Kreischer
Also referenced (named, not recommended)
MediaReferenced
The Room
Tommy Wiseau
“like what was the one the the room the room yeah one James Franco and Seth Rogen that's right”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
“uh uh Ace Ventura it's it's a crazy transphobic Dan Marino throws up because he's made out with a dude”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
300
“beautiful ladies she was in 300 um that's right she is 300 was a”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
All Quiet on the Western Front
“if you watched the beginning of all quiet Western Front I don't know if you saw that new movie I did watch it”— Joe Rogan
MediaReferenced
Trainwreck
“Amy Amy Schumer's movie train wreck did really well right it's opening week and that's when”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
The Avengers
“movies are dying people aren't going out to movies they're only going out for the Avengers that's it right now”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
Pulp Fiction
Quentin Tarantino
“Quentin Tarantino had white people saying in his movies yeah well he said it a bunch of times in Pulp Fiction”— Joe Rogan
MediaReferenced
Tropic Thunder
“people are like very scared to take chances like they took and these classic like Tropic Thunder”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
Napoleon Dynamite
Jared Hess
“he met Jared hash the director of uh Napoleon Dynamite was at my show”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
Sixteen Candles
John Hughes
“we were watching uh with the girls one time 16 Candles do you remember that movie Molly Ringwald”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
Revenge of the Nerds
“Revenge of the Nerds the dude rapes her he puts on her boyfriend's clothing and rapes her rapes her”— Joe Rogan
MediaReferenced
Porky's
“it's hard watching old comedies like you ever tried to watch porkies yeah it's a big old rape Fest”— Joe Rogan
MediaReferenced
Back to School
“back to school Rodney dangerfield opens the curtain and the girl with the most beautiful body shower and he goes hey excuse me”— Bert Kreischer
MediaReferenced
The Sixth Sense
“like Bruce Willis when he did six cents he just took points he didn't take any money”— Bert Kreischer
BookReferenced
Tremendous: The Life of a Comedy Savage (Stop Doing That)
Joey Diaz
“his new book tremendous stop doing that he's too good he's too good he's too fun”— Bert Kreischer
BookReferencedISBN verified
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
Mark Twain
“I remember reading the word in high school during reading Huck Finn reading it aloud reading it aloud”— Bert Kreischer
ProductReferenced
Buffalo Trace
Buffalo Trace
“what are you having I said Buffalo Trace he goes man I have one of those I'm asleep”— Joe Rogan
ProductReferenced
Bud Light
Anheuser-Busch
“so I bring out a Bud Light and this dude booze he goes don't drink that [ __ ] that's trans”— Bert Kreischer
ProductReferenced
Indian motorcycle
Indian
“Wilco in my headsets in my with my helmet on on a [ __ ] Indian judge I think it was a it was a judge”— Bert Kreischer
ProductReferenced
Lipitor
Pfizer
“I can tell you the sponsors I can get from my tour Lipitor would be a good sponsor some blood pressure medicine some beard trimmers”— Bert Kreischer
Big reveals from this episode
- Bert begs fans to see The Machine in theaters, explaining the movie grew from a story he only told on stage because Joe pushed him to.
- Bert recounts going shirtless and challenging an entire New Zealand bar to fight alongside UFC champ Israel Adesanya at 3am.
- Bert opens up about feeling 'not good enough,' tracing his oversharing and people-pleasing to a 'little hole' from his upbringing versus Tom Segura's.
- Bert reveals he rewrote his opening movie scene the night before shooting after hearing Joe say comedies 'don't go hard anymore' on a podcast.
- Bert breaks down movie-theater economics: a box-office hit triggers green-lights for Fat Astronauts (Monday) and Tim Dillon's project (Tuesday).
- They reveal the Russian-mob 'Machine' story was first told on JRE around April 2011 and became the most popular thing to ever emerge from the podcast.
Worth remembering
- The WWI Christmas Truce of 1914 saw enemy soldiers sing carols and cease fire, enraging commanders who threatened to kill anyone fraternizing.
- During WWI, Russian and German forces reportedly held a ceasefire because packs of wolves were attacking their wounded soldiers.
- The term 'bigwig' comes from syphilitic French royalty wearing large wigs to cover hair loss as the disease progressed.
- European diseases like smallpox killed roughly 90% of Native American populations, more than the massacres themselves.
- 'Machina' means car/machine in Russian, the same word referenced in John Wick.
- Florida State's Chief Osceola rides Renegade bareback and spikes a flaming spear at midfield, a tradition Bert experienced as an FSU freshman.
- Bert describes a Vancouver pop-up 'drugs store' openly selling tested cocaine, heroin, and meth.
- In film deals, a theatrical hit lets all parties recoup and earn back-end points, while streamers typically just break you even plus a little extra.
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