Terry Crews: Actor, former NFL player, and artist known for White Chicks and Brooklyn Nine-Nine; author of the memoir Tough
What this episode covers
Terry Crews recounts growing up in Flint, Michigan with an alcoholic, violent father and a hyper-religious, controlling mother, and how that context shaped both his anger and his drive. He details a decades-long pornography addiction that culminated in cheating on his wife, and the 2010 'D-Day' confession that forced him to confront himself. Through therapy and a 12-step program he learned to redefine strength, embrace vulnerability, and rebuild his marriage to Rebecca. He also discusses being sexually assaulted by his agent at a Hollywood party and the lawsuit he pursued against William Morris Endeavor, drawing parallels to the Will Smith Oscars slap and his own past need for revenge.
The guest's own work
Tough
Terry Crews
“having read your new book tough i feel like it's never been more relevant to what i'm about to say”— Stephen Bartlett
Also referenced (named, not recommended)
Finding Your Roots
Henry Louis Gates
“i did a show with henry lewis gates called finding your roots and he went into my family's past and i found out that my grandfather”— Terry Crews
The Carol Burnett Show
Carol Burnett
“we used to sit around and watch the carol burnett show together as a family every saturday night and i remember watching her laugh”— Terry Crews
Battle Dome
“my first job was a tv show called battle dome where i basically beat people up uh it was like american gladiators on steroids”— Terry Crews
White Chicks
“everybody loved terry crews it was like wow you know mr white chicks mr this this didn't you know it was phenomenal”— Terry Crews
Big reveals from this episode
- Terry says his desire to get physically strong came from knowing he might one day have to kill his abusive father.
- He reveals a pornography addiction lasting from about age 10 until 2010, including watching from 10am to 11pm on days off.
- On 'D-Day' in February 2010 he confessed to his wife that he had visited a massage parlor and cheated, nearly ending the marriage.
- He describes physically beating up his father after big Terry hit his mother, and how empty and hollow the revenge felt.
- He recounts being sexually assaulted by his own agent at a Hollywood party, who grabbed his genitals in front of both their wives.
- He spent $500,000 of his own money suing William Morris Endeavor, leading to the agent's forced retirement.
- After the massage parlor incident in 2000 he briefly considered suicide, thinking about making his death look accidental.
Worth remembering
- Terry calls Flint, Michigan the 'Palo Alto of the United States' in his youth because General Motors made it prosperous.
- Through the show Finding Your Roots he learned his grandfather robbed a liquor store and served on a Georgia chain gang.
- He credits the 12-step program and the Serenity Prayer for helping him recognize what he could and couldn't change.
- He says 'success is the warmest place to hide because no one's going to call you on your stuff.'
- He defines intimacy as someone knowing everything about you, good and bad, and loving you anyway.
- His first Hollywood job was Battle Dome, a show he describes as 'American Gladiators on steroids.'
- His agent was initially only suspended 30 days; Terry was told 'he's a partner' when he complained.
- He keeps a framed photo of himself at age six on his desk to remind himself he was a good boy and shed his shame.
- His mantra became 'don't try to be the best, be the only,' to stop competing with other people.
- He argues you can have success or revenge but not both, and that transcending a moment is true success.