Kate Moyle: Psychosexual and relationship therapist, host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast, and UK sex expert for the brand Lelo.
What this episode covers
Steven Bartlett opens up with deeply personal stories about past relationships that ended over sexual issues, using them as a springboard for a candid conversation with sex therapist Kate Moyle. They explore why desire changes over time, the role of anxiety and performance pressure, and why assumption and poor communication are the real killers of intimacy. Moyle reframes sex as variable and context-dependent rather than a fixed skill, and offers actionable advice like changing one small thing each time to keep things fresh. The discussion ranges across low libido, faking orgasms, porn as a flawed educational tool, asexuality, polyamory, and physical compatibility. It closes with Moyle naming unrealistic expectations as the single biggest killer of modern relationships and communication as the top trait of couples with great sex lives.
Recommended on this episode
OMGYes
Kinsey Institute
“a platform called omgs and it's basically about helping like instructional videos and interviews about like how to create female orgasm”— Kate Moyle
Lelo
Lelo
“this expo project is on the uk sex expert for lilo so luxury sex play brand and they do some amazing amazing products”— Kate Moyle
Happy Sexy Millionaire
Steven Bartlett
“i finally got to meet my debut book happy sexy millionaire it arrived from my publisher last week”— Steven Bartlett
Also referenced (named, not recommended)
The Fast and the Furious
Universal Pictures
“trying to learn about sex from porn is like learning to drive from watching the fast and the furious”— Steven Bartlett
Men in Black
Columbia Pictures
“the men in black have you seen men in black when they get the pen and they hold it up and if they press the button on the pen basically it raises your memory”— Steven Bartlett
Big reveals from this episode
- Steven reveals his last serious relationship, with a woman he thought he'd marry, ended over a sexual issue that emerged seven to eight months in.
- Steven shares that the relationship ended when his partner said she wasn't comfortable talking about sex with him after a year together.
- Steven describes another relationship ending because of perceived physical incompatibility he could never bring himself to discuss.
- Steven admits he developed erection problems from performance anxiety and overthinking after a bad sexual experience.
- Moyle names unrealistic expectations as the single biggest killer of relationships in the modern age.
- Moyle says communication is the top distilled principle of couples who enjoy great sexual relationships.
- Steven announces his debut book Happy Sexy Millionaire, written over nearly three years including 60 days alone in jungles.
Worth remembering
- A 2007 paper titled 'Why Humans Have Sex' identified 237 distinct reasons people have sex, including 'because I was cold.'
- There is a rising number of female-friendly, female-focused pornography platforms emphasizing female pleasure.
- Vaginismus, an involuntary contracting of the pelvic floor muscles preventing sex, is thought to affect about one in 500 women.
- Moyle says clients seeking sex therapy are roughly evenly distributed from age 20 to 80.
- A common side effect of many anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants is an impact on sex lives.
- In a fight-flight-freeze state the body prepares for threat, which is physiologically incompatible with sexual arousal.
- The most common way of bringing women to orgasm is direct clitoral stimulation, which movies rarely depict.
- The Kinsey Institute launched OMGYes, a platform with instructional videos on female pleasure and orgasm.