The guest
Tracey Cox: Sex educator and author of 17 books on sex and relationships, including Great Sex Starts at 50; translates academic sex research into practical bedroom advice.
What this episode covers
Tracey Cox joins Steven Bartlett to unpack why so many couples, even those in their 30s, drift into sexless relationships. She distinguishes spontaneous from responsive desire, explains why most women don't orgasm through intercourse, and argues that boredom and routine kill women's desire faster than men's. Practical fixes center on honest conversation, varied and erotic sex, bite-size intimacy, and using tools like vibrators. The discussion ranges across infidelity, porn, choking culture among young people, AI sex dolls, body image, menopause, and the dating struggles of high-achieving single women.
Recommended on this episode
BookRecommended
Sexmart
“which is very good about childhoods”
“There's a book called Sexmart which is very good about childhoods. It it sort of delves into all of this.”— guest
The guest's own work
BookBy the guestISBN verified
The Diary of a CEO: The 33 Laws for Business, Marketing, and Life
Steven Bartlett
“that book called The Diary of a CEO, the 33 laws for business, marketing, and life is now available for pre-order. And there are 5,000, only 5,000, signed copies.”— Steven Bartlett
BookBy the guestISBN verified
Great Sex Starts at 50
Tracey Cox
“your book here says great sex starts at 50. My friends are the friends I'm talking about are in their 30s.”— Steven Bartlett
BookBy the guest
Sex Doctor: Fix Your Love Life Fast
Tracey Cox
“you've got relationships, how to have one, great sex starts at 50, Sex Doctor Fix Your Love Life Fast, Hot Sex, How How to Do It”— Steven Bartlett
BookBy the guestISBN verified
Hot Sex: How to Do It
Tracey Cox
“great sex starts at 50, Sex Doctor Fix Your Love Life Fast, Hot Sex, How How to Do It, We've Got Dare.”— Steven Bartlett
Also referenced (named, not recommended)
MediaReferenced
Fifty Shades of Grey
E. L. James
“look at 50 Shades of Grey. That got middle-aged women wanting sex with women who hadn't wanted sex for 20 years.”— guest
MediaReferenced
Billions
“Did you ever watch um Billions? You know, where they she she had the fetish of, you know, being whipped and wanting to be the submissive.”— guest
MediaReferenced
Lars and the Real Girl
“I saw Lars and the Real Real Girl. Do you remember that? That was about a guy who had a sex doll.”— guest
MediaReferenced
Blade
“there's a scene in this film called Blade where he puts on a headset and it's set I mean, it was 20 years ago, but it was set in the future.”— Steven Bartlett
MediaReferenced
Doctor Foster
“there was a thing called Dr. Foster. Did you watch that? Suranne Jones was in it and there was this couple.”— guest
ProductReferenced
Replens
Replens
“I did a campaign for Replens, which is a vaginal moisturizer, which most men blink at and and good to see you didn't.”— guest
Big reveals from this episode
- Women get bored with sex faster than men because men get the orgasm as a reward while women's orgasm needs are more complicated.
- Only about 20% of women can climax through penetrative sex, meaning 80% are not getting orgasms from intercourse.
- If you haven't had sex with your partner for a year, it is very unlikely you'll have sex again unless you confront it head-on.
- You can't know someone's true resting libido until about a year in because desire is artificially inflated at the start.
- The motivation for affairs has reversed: men now cheat for love and affection, women cheat for erotic, selfish sex.
- The two happiest groups of people are single women and married men.
- Most women can have an orgasm within three minutes with a vibrator, the most expert tool for stimulating the clitoris.
- Around 40% of men who masturbate to porn report feeling a sense of shame.
Worth remembering
- The clitoris is wishbone-shaped and roughly 10 cm long, with most of it inside the body.
- About two-thirds of men have spontaneous desire while only 30% of women do; the rest are a mix.
- 30% of couples together two years or more do not have sex.
- In Japan, an estimated 45% of people reach their 30s having never had a sexual encounter.
- A study found 58% of college students had been choked, and 30% had been asked to be choked.
- One quarter of couples who rarely or never have sex still rate themselves as extremely happy.
- A childhood experience of being shamed for masturbating can train men into rapid ejaculation by rushing to avoid getting caught.
- Per the Harvard study, men in positive romantic relationships live 14 years longer and women 7 years longer.
- It has been known since the Kama Sutra (3rd-5th century) that women generally don't orgasm through penetrative sex.
- The number of high-achieving women is rising while high-achieving men decline, shrinking the dating pool for educated women.
More from Diary of a CEO
All 4040 recommended